6/17/2018 0 Comments The Meaning in the MemorialThere’s a large cemetery in the suburbs of Philadelphia where numerous cultures intersect. In the older sections, the headstones bear mostly Irish and German surnames … O’Donovan, Magee, Schmidt, Bauer. In the newer sections, the names are a veritable ethnic stew, reflecting an influx of many cultures... Giancoli, Moskovitz, Romanov. And in one self-contained grove of the tree-lined cemetery, all the names are Chinese. Many of the headstones feature photographs of the deceased. Most bear Chinese characters as well as names spelled in the English alphabet. Some grave sites feature gold ornaments or are adorned with red flowers. Every headstone can tell a story. Some stories are heartbreaking. Many gravestones feature the names of several family members. Perhaps the parents lived into their 70s or 80s. As you cast your eyes down a list of their children, you may notice that one or more died as babies, or teenagers, or were killed in military action. Others give subtle clues about the deceased person’s life. You may come upon a headstone that says, “Devoted mother, cherished teacher.” Others may proclaim short Bible verses that were meaningful to the individual and his or her family. In past generations, several family members often shared a headstone. Upon a loved one’s death, families would purchase a small plot of land with the intention that all members of the family could be buried near each other. This is still sometimes the case, although some cemeteries can no longer guarantee a certain size of plot as they have filled up over time. Cemeteries generally have some regulations over the type of headstones that will be placed on graves. As you are planning a loved one’s funeral, the funeral director will be able to advise you on the choices of cemetery in your town or city, and will handle all the logistical arrangements surrounding the burial. These arrangements can include the choice of headstone, but if you’d like more time to ponder the most appropriate headstone for your loved one, you can take that time. There is rarely a strict timeline on placing a headstone, although some religious guidelines may help determine the timeframe. It's perfectly acceptable to take your time and choose a headstone you really love and that accurately reflects your loved one's life. In recent years, the makers of headstones have begun offering a greater degree of personalization. Here are a few of the choices you will be able to make: The stone: Most headstones are made of granite, marble or bronze. The designer will offer several shapes, including upright monuments and flush-to-the-ground markers. The text: Most typically, gravestones feature the full name of the deceased and the dates of birth and death. Beyond that, some families choose “epitaphs,” brief sayings or verses. These may be religious in nature; may offer a glimpse into the person’s livelihood; or some even feature a humorous quip. Embellishments: You’ll sometimes see an emblem on headstones, including a cross or a Star of David. Veterans’ graves will often have military insignia engraved on the headstone. Flowers are very typical adornments. The artwork on a headstone often reflects a person’s culture. Headstones may also be preordered, or, as previously noted, planned in advance for multiple family members. In the rush of appointments and obligations following a loved one’s death, some choices may feel overwhelming. This is one choice that can be handled early, or can wait for a bit, allowing you the time and space to choose a headstone that tells just the right story about your loved one. We are happy to assist you in any way in these decisions. Feel free to contact us at any time for help or advice. It's just another way that Johnson Brown-Service Funeral Homes and Johnson Memorial Gardens are here to help you. (334)768-2141. 6/15/2018 0 Comments Missing Your Dad on Father's DayLiving intentionally with people is paramount to living well. I also believe intentionality is essential to grieving well.
Father’s Day hits a tender spot. Every year as I write posts about mothers and fathers I’m struck by the feeling of each day. Mother’s Day feels pink and rosy, the prime of spring, and there’s a fresh sweetness to it that just fits with the idea of celebrating our moms. Father’s Day is at the cusp of glorious, adventure-filled summer and there’s a nostalgia that comes with that of our days playing in the yard, family vacations and ice cold drinks. I love how the time of year influences our experience of these days and that these holiday markers offer us opportunities in a “busy season” to stop, remember, and be intentional. If you are grieving this Father’s Day I want to encourage you to prepare some unique ways to honor your father. For some people there is a desire to do this privately and there is beauty in that, (just be careful you’re not isolating yourself because of possible discomfort). Others may want to involve family and friends of theirs who would also benefit from being together and telling stories. The only wrong way to grieve is to not do it. Avoiding Father’s Day or “trying not to think about it” will only make the day all the more painful next year and the year after. Being intentional about being present in grief is the healthiest way to acknowledge what was and what is lost. Below are some ideas that can help you as you begin to think about intentionally honoring your dad.
The word “honor” can sound big and overwhelming but it’s in the simplest of rituals that we can say, “Dad, I’m remembering you today. I know you would have loved this and I miss you.” Wishing you a Father’s Day of special simplicity, significant memories and peace. |
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March 2020
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